Shattering the Image

Some quotes I heard from my parents growing up: "You can be anything you want to be!" "You are a hard-working, smart person." "You will be successful anywhere." "You bloom where you're planted." One of the quotes I remember most from the past 15 years: "Your opinion is wrong." The first time I heard him say it, I laughed. As in, literally laughed out loud as he spoke. It was the most hilarious thing I'd heard anyone say in an argument. The problem is he wasn't kidding. He thought my thoughts, my perspectives on life, were wrong.  I remember repeatedly saying, "My perception is my reality! Just because you don't agree, doesn't mean MY perspective is wrong." I remember being utterly confused. How could someone's opinion be wrong?  So I would argue. I would search for words to explain how my opinion couldn't be right or wrong. It wasn't a judgment call. And as we went back and fort...

"Mommy, why do you like Voldemort from Harry Potter?" My young son randomly asked. "Uh, I don't like that character much. Why?" "Because Daddy has the picture of Voldemort as your picture when your number comes up on his phone." I was not prepared for these kinds of situations. I was raised in what I would call, a picture perfect family. Seriously. I had (and still have) amazing and brilliant parents. My dad is a highly-respected therapist and my mom has a doctorate in adult learning and was a teacher and college professor for decades. Someone told me recently that I am a "fluffy kitten who grew up in a therapy bubble." It made me laugh, but it's true. I had an almost perfect childhood. However, I was shy as a child. Painfully shy sometimes. I didn't always know how to respond to conflict at school with friends. And although I was raised to be a pacifist, to "turn the other cheek," I was confused about what to d...

I want to share a story. It's not a happy story, at least not while it's happening. It's about abuse. I thought abuse left visible bruises. I thought abuse involved shouting obscenities or name-calling. Abuse also can be invisible from the outside. It can be a silent poison inside a house with a beautiful picket fence around the perimeter. Abuse can infiltrate a suburban house with a green yard and a homemade swingset in the back. Abuse can live in a perfect-looking family of four. The husband and wife might have white-collar jobs, advanced degrees, and attend church regularly. I know someone who was the victim of abuse. I know her well.  Her comings and goings were recorded using a video camera mounted to the front of her house. Her credit card purchases were monitored in real time while she was shopping. She's had to call the police on the father of her kids. This kind of abuse is never done in front of anyone that can see it for what it is. It...