Life after divorcing a Narcissist is not what I thought it would be. Yes, there is more peace and less daily conflict. But wow, it's still packed full of enough drama to last a lifetime.
Take the most recent issue, for instance. My children were with their father for a bit of time. When I picked them up, they immediately started in with the reasons their dad is angry at me.
Would you like to know why I am not a good example for my children? Here are the things my children relayed to me in the car on the way home.
1. "Dad has to pay thousands of dollars to your attorney and he's really mad about that. Do you really have an attorney, mom?"
2. "Dad says you can't think for yourself and that your husband does everything for you. Is that true?"
3. "Dad is mad that you dropped me off 13 minutes late yesterday. He said you planned to do it on purpose and he yelled at me about it because he said you weren't here to yell at."
4. "Dad is mad that you won't talk to him on the phone much anymore."
5. "Dad is mad that you drove on his grass yesterday."
6. "Dad is mad that he has to pay you so much money in child support."
7. "Dad is mad that you are trying to ruin his image and make him look like a bad person."
These conversations happen almost every time I pick up the kids. We've got it down to a science now. They list out the things that are bothering them and then I try to somehow talk to them about the issues without completely shaming their father.
Divorce doesn't stop the abuse.
Take the most recent issue, for instance. My children were with their father for a bit of time. When I picked them up, they immediately started in with the reasons their dad is angry at me.
Would you like to know why I am not a good example for my children? Here are the things my children relayed to me in the car on the way home.
1. "Dad has to pay thousands of dollars to your attorney and he's really mad about that. Do you really have an attorney, mom?"
2. "Dad says you can't think for yourself and that your husband does everything for you. Is that true?"
3. "Dad is mad that you dropped me off 13 minutes late yesterday. He said you planned to do it on purpose and he yelled at me about it because he said you weren't here to yell at."
4. "Dad is mad that you won't talk to him on the phone much anymore."
5. "Dad is mad that you drove on his grass yesterday."
6. "Dad is mad that he has to pay you so much money in child support."
7. "Dad is mad that you are trying to ruin his image and make him look like a bad person."
These conversations happen almost every time I pick up the kids. We've got it down to a science now. They list out the things that are bothering them and then I try to somehow talk to them about the issues without completely shaming their father.
Divorce doesn't stop the abuse.
Holy Moly! Do I have things in common with you. Divorcing my husband of 20 years. He left after online dating while we were in marriage therapy and the therapist knew and helped hi,! Life after he left became hell as he let himself back in the house with the key and screamed at me how he never wanted this life, this house, the kid, me.. "You should have left me, when you realized I didn't want to marry you!" That was a good line. there were a lot like that. Especially when my Dad became ill with cancer and passed away in a month. He screamed at me through that as well. Thank you for writing this. -Kelly
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