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Chapter 6: Love is Bigger Than The Two of Us

I admit that I didn't know much about love after I got out of my marriage. For someone who had a picture perfect childhood and two exceptional parents, I certainly had/have a lot to learn and relearn. When marriage meant being discredited and minimized and threatened, it can be difficult to know what marriage can be like outside of your own house with the white picket fence. 

I've read countless articles and blog posts and books on love and marriage and forgiveness, trying to figure this thing out. I've talked to my parents (my dad is a therapist, for crying out loud!) and to my friends and to my relatives. It's only been recently that I've started to understand what love and marriage should be. 40 dang years it's taken me. Here's what I've discovered about love in a marriage:

  • Love is being allowed to put your cold toes on your partner in bed.
  • Love is watching stupid series on Netflix together, promising the other to not watch an episode without you.
  • Love is friendship. It's spending days and days together without getting super sick of each other and never running out of things to talk about.
  • Love is listening to your partner talk about the things they are passionate about and NOT always wanting to stab your eyeballs out. 
  • Love is knowing it's your partner's turn to clean the bathroom, but you still make time to sit on the floor outside and play music for them on your speaker.
  • Love is taking in your partner's children and loving them, even though they are not truly yours.
  • Love is going to a birthday party for your stepdaughter and working side-by-side with your partner's ex to make sure the party goes smoothly.
  • Love is having trouble staying mad at your partner because they'll eventually make you laugh.
  • Love is being honest with your partner and telling them your opinion from a place of kindness and respect, even though it might cause conflict.
  • Love is together singing the songs from My Fair Lady, knowing it will clear all children from the room.
  • Love is knowing your stepchild adores a certain band, so you read that band's biography in order to talk to the kid about it.
  • Love is knowing you both have triggers from your past and you try hard to avoid them, even if you don't completely understand. (And probably never will.)
  • Love is being able to order for each other at your favorite restaurants because you pay attention to what they like.
  • Love is not having showered, sitting around in your gray sweats with the hole in the butt and making room for your partner to sit next to you and share your blanket so you both can read your books.
  • Love is knowing your partner thinks you're the weirdest person in the world, and loving it.
  • Love is a safe place to share your thoughts without fear of retribution.
  • Love is not always agreeing on politics, but being ok with that.
  • Love is often having to say you're sorry.
Love is bigger than our words and how we treat each other. It involves our children and our parents and our friends and our kindness and respect toward the people who are important in each other's lives. Love is knowing that the other person could potentially change, leave you, or be taken from you, yet not letting that blinding fear stop you from enjoying every freaking day with them.

And finally, love is doing laundry and wearing your partner's exercise shorts on your head as they walk into the room. 

Because making them laugh is one of the best feelings in the world.

Love is looking at my big feet and still thinking I'm cute.

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